No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
