i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
