hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
