you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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