Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
