Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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