I want to make a zoo with you.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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