I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
