Cold hands, warm shart.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
