Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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