do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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