What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
