I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
