My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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