I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
