I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
