I think my vagina is haunted
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
