You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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