Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
