Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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