Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
