Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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