we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
