I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He did a backflip because drugs
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