If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
