The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
