it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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