Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
