I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
