Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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