Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
