The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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