We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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