You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
