Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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