every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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