Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
