I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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