Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
