I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
