apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
