dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
