The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
