Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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