She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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