Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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