I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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