we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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