i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize