i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
