I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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