Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
