I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
