The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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