I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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