Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
this is an emotional support booty call
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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