So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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