at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
