Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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