Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You were trust falling into bushes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
