I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
