I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
