You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
