I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
