So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
