Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize