Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
