Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
