So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
