Kiss
Puke
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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