Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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