Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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