remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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