Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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