hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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