Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
