I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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