So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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