i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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