This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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