The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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