theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
