He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize