I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize