Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
