So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
