Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
