Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
